Out of the red
Or, “how a broke bitch funds a freedom ride”
Sure, no one should hold a job that chips away at their will to live. Everyone should find their calling and jump into it head first. We all have anxiety and doubt, and it’s tough to turn your back on security. So far I’ve talked a lot about following my passions, giving up on careers that were a source of misery, and all the usual idyllic garbage that can be read in thousands of feel-good articles splayed across the internet.
But we all know that life isn’t that goddamn easy.
You might realize you’re in the wrong field, in a dead end position, surrounded by people you can’t stand… but leaving it all behind is more difficult than coming to terms with those realities. Unfortunately, bills only multiply when you decide to free yourself from the 9-5 grind; let us talk about money.
If there’s one thing I’ve done right in my life, it’s choosing my partner based on how much I love his dog. But if there’s a second thing, it’s my lifetime of financial frugality.
In the name of transparency, here’s my current situation. I have a stash of cash monies that I use to fund my work investments, as well as to contribute to large household issues. My usual bills, on the other hand, are funded by what I earn working from home for online jobs. In short, I have a stable hoard of money for unusual expenses, and a separate ebb and flow of cash that keeps me alive each month. It’s a comfortable place to be, at least, as far as being a self-employed novice artist goes. Scoff.
I came from a poverty-ridden background, barely scraped by for my entire life, and no one has ever handed me cash to kick start my ventures, so how did I set up this comfortable little situation? Here we go.
Today, I will tackle “The Stash.”
As I’ve bitched about plenty before, I used to have an unsatisfying office/laboratory job that came heavily supplemented with a nice salary and outrageous benefits. While the salary essentially went straight into living expenses, student debt, amazon purchases, and debaucherous weekend trips to see my favorite bands, the benefits went a lot further. My employer gave me – prepare yourself for this – 24 paid sick days, 24 paid vacation days, and 2 paid floating holidays a year. That’s a tally of 50 days a year, on top of the normal institutional holidays.
*Insert peer outrage here*
The deal was, I could use this time however I pleased with zero ramifications (and plenty of people certainly enjoyed taking off Monday or Friday every single week), however, I also had the option to save those days up. Employees were allowed up to 48 days of saved vacation time, to be paid out upon retirement or resignation. Well fuck, that’s free money if I’ve ever heard it. You’d better believe my strategy for three years was to use as few vacation days as possible.
Though highly tempting to ditch work any random time I felt like it, I knew I would want those funds later down the road. With a great deal of strategy and a few extremely fun “sick” days, by the time that I resigned in August 2017, I had saved exactly 48 vacation days. And oh baby, was that check ever worth all the times I went into work when I hated everything.
Two months after leaving my job, like a happy little consolation prize for all of the bullshit, stress, and major depression during my time there, I received over two months of salary in the mail. For nothing. For going to work when I was supposed to.
I threw that shit in the bank, and I haven’t touched it since. This has greatly padded my “stash” of loose funds, used primarily for large purchases and business costs. It gives me something to fall back on, and it is a huge help when we have household problems that our usual earnings can’t cover right away. Having this cushion feels amazing and foreign; it’s a level of financial stability I’ve never experienced.
Next, “Save that stash.”
I recognize that almost no one is afforded the insane amount of unused vacation time I was provided, so how is this useful for anyone else? 1) Girl, get your shit together and start saving your money, that’s how. Sacrifice in the short term in the name of a future rainy day, you will be so self-satisfied later down the road. Quit getting your hair did, buy your cosmetics at the drug store, and stop shopping at hipster stores. Buy a used car, quit eating out, and find free hobbies. 2) I’ve still had to make a few maneuvers to keep this money supply safe in the face of continued expenses. Life is expensive, usually when you least expect it. Here comes my next trick.
It goes without saying that moving is expensive as all hell. This is even more accurate when you’re relocating across the country and have only acquired useless butt-themed novelty items and literal piles of thrift store clothes over the past 27 years, rather than any furniture and storage materials. That being said, I racked up a ton of credit card debt when we were trying to get two apartments worth of crap to Georgia and establish a functional household (With furniture! And storage!). Luckily, I have a lot of credit to work with; however, the interest charges were still going to sink me over time. Enter the balance transfer.
With thousands of dollars hanging over my head, threatening to deplete my honey pot of emergency funds in one fowl swoop, I realized it made more sense to keep this debt than blow through my liquid assets. I waited a few days for a 0% introductory offer to show up in my mailbox, and proceeded to read the fine print. All balance transfer fees waived upon account opening, 0% APR for 18 months. Cool. I tossed my outstanding credit card balance from my oldest card, Old Faithful, onto the brand new, fresh and clean and ready to ruin, credit card.
And with that move, my interest problem disappeared… at least for the next 18 months. So long as I make no additional charges to this new credit card and pay the minimum monthly fee, I can stop feeling pressured to pay off this entire moving bill all at once. Boom. One source of anxiety, dissipated.
What happens after 18 months? Hopefully the balance is paid off… if not, I wait for a new credit card offer. They roll in constantly, and it’s only a matter of time before you find a card that meets your needs.
All this credit card talk brings up another important point about establishing an excellent credit score, even as a young miscreant… but, alas, my wine glass is empty. I am all adulted out for today.
Next time: “The ebb and flow.” Or, how to work online and pay dem bills.
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